Aren't things funny when in a moment of curiousity we see reason to look back at them? At past thoughts, old emotions? Feelings of confusion seem so out of place when looking back from clarity. Not that everything is now in black and white, but certain paths have been cleared and are now easier to walk along. It seems strange thinking some things have changed completely. Dreams have either faltered or crystalised, with new depths and angles. Looking back can make you feel a bit stupid, or it can sometimes add that little bit of motivation you have needed. Well as I look back at things written down, past dreams I've dreamt, and feelings felt, i feel i need to do something more to pursue these fantasies, and type slowly towards a resolution. Proof reading is an apt word when you find meaning in writing, and underlying feelings hidden within the words you use, so I graft an idea to you. How about I actually try to be a success and stop standing still in my place of living? Why don't i get out of my rest-stop job? I need to move forwards because behind me is nothing. Media coverage does not include the lives behind the interview, unless you put yourself forward in a manner to be counted and remembered. So stop I shall, and move I will, but maybe more directly than I'm used to. I need to write my own vocabulary and see my own meaning in every word. Explaination comes with exclaimation, and definition is partnered with action. So why don't you just see what I will do, and not listen to me promise. Work out what this means by yourself until I come and show you. This is my solemn vow, i will be there to help you understand me in time, but until this day I leave you.

So, a New Year. A new start, maybe, in which everyone believes they have a chance to change an aspect of their lives which is percieved, mainly by others, as bad. It's also the end of the last year, which some will forget, and some will remember forever. Some will want to forget, and not be able to, and others will forget memories of things far greater than they will experience again. Let's think though, is that really a bad thing? Maybe it's dwelling to much on the good times which make them impossible to concievably repeat. How will we born another childhood dream if we settle for only one? Some say to set targets so high that you cannot ever realisticly achieve them, so you will always try and always have a reason to carry on. Whereas I believe in reaching goals, fulfilling fantasy, and being happy when you add another. I mean, how many people only have one dream? How many people decided their occupational future at 13? How many of you are happy when shooting down another idea because it follows a line of unsuccesful ideas? Why? How many great people got where they are on thier first try? I doubt half of them hadn't failed horribly a few times before, only to pick themselves up again and try harder. You see, that's what divides the good from the hopeless, the ability to roll the shoulder to every blow delt, and get it back into position before the next.

Well, I got all the details, and confirmation, of my flight to Spain in January. I am going for a week pretty much, Monday to Saturday. I can't wait to see my dad, he's one of the people that proximity has taken away from me. So I will fight logic, with all I can, to see my dad as often as I possibly can.

I would be lying if i wasn't looking forward to getting out of here too. Getting away from the cold, the rain, the arrogance, but most of all I want that reunion, that chance to think everything is ok, even if just for a while. A week to relax, and laze about with a bit less purpose, and a bit more meaning.

So as I look forward to my winter break, I wonder how soon it will be before I impatiently count the days before I escape. 39 days upon glancing at the calendar on my phone.

I ordered a new iPod two days ago, and being the impatient person that I am, I'm wondering where it is. I mean, Christ, they said it would be here today or tomorrow! I've got a feeling it won't be here tomorrow either, because I have been checking the progress of it every 7 or 8 seconds, and it still sayd 'Dispatching soon'. I need a life, lol.

As with most things in life, we all have to start somewhere, and this is the start of a new thing for me. A lot of people say that they would like a place to put down thoughts and ideas, and I have always been on eof these people. I pen down ideas, dreams, thoughts and opinions all the time, and it's good to have a place i can store it all together.

Well I'm going to end this entry here, and leave myself thinking of what people might think of me by what i write.